


Together For a Reason

by anastasiatremaine



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 21:53:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7286095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastasiatremaine/pseuds/anastasiatremaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after 2.10. Season 3 didn't happen. Vanessa, Malcolm, and Victor go to America and rescue Ethan from prison there. Vanessa and Ethan reuniting and moving on after Ethan's abandonment is the focus of this fic. Their relationship grows and heals and they get the happy ending they deserve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Together

**Author's Note:**

> I actually started working on this fic after season 2 ended with my ideas of how I thought season 3 might go, but I never finished it. I only just rediscovered it on my computer, and since that season 3 ending was so fucking awful I've decided to resurrect it. Characters like Kaetenay, Dr Seward, Catriona, etc, might show up in this AU but Ethanessa is the focus so maybe not. Them skipping off into the sunset together is a bit boring, so I might bring in Dracula as something for them to fight against, together. I'm not sure yet. You can leave your ideas/criticisms in the comments! Even if it's just "Please have Hecate show up" or something. Also if you like the fic please leave a comment even if it's just ":)". Not sure how many chapters there will be. And it's rated teen for now but who knows. Thanks for reading!

At first he thought he was dreaming.

It wouldn’t be the first time. Melancholy thoughts of her blended into nightmares and dreams and hallucinations and regrets, his entire stream of consciousness surrounded by and enveloped in her. He’d wake up and think he was smelling her hair, or feeling the warmth of her on his chest, or seeing the glint of her smile, but no. No, it was just the same dank cell- cage, really- he’d been in for God knew how long. He’d lost track of the days, the nights, the moons.

So when he heard her voice calling out to him, he thought it was a dream.

But no. It got louder and louder until he was roused awake. And unbelievably, there she was on the other side of the bars, intense and quiet and reassuringly real, unlike the insubstantial visions of light and memory of her he’d been used to.

“Vanessa?” His voice was like a rasped grow. “What’re you-“

“We haven’t much time,” her harsh whisper conveyed no emotion, just quiet urgency. She wouldn’t look at him, but was fumbling in the dark, her pale hands like large spiders against the gloom of the cell. A clunk and a scrape echoed in the dim light, and his cage door swung open.

“What. The fuck?” he gasped lowly.

“Come, Ethan,” Vanessa urged. The sound of his name on her voice went through him like an electric shock. When he still didn’t movie she reached down and clasped his hand; he shuddered at the contact, the first he’d had in months.

Her hand was grasping his, and her other hand was steady on his upper arm as he stood and began to step out. The cell was only large enough to sit or stand in, there was no bed, and muscles that hadn’t been used in a long time were screaming as they stretched. Ethan’s eyes drank in her features, as perfect as he’d remembered. She met his gaze for only a second, and though she gave him a small smile of encouragement, he could see something cloud over her face as she looked away. As soon as he was standing and steady, she let go. He craved her touch immediately, but she turned back towards the entrance.

“Wait!” She stilled but didn’t turn.

“We must go. You don’t understand how precisely-“

“Vanessa.” Her shoulders previously held tight and still, slumped as she let out a tense breath. She turned, resigned, towards him. His voice was rasped and cracked, as it hadn’t been used properly for months. “Why are you here?”

“I will explain all when we rejoin the doctor and Sir Malcolm, on the road.” The thought of his friends having come so far to save him made his already weary heart twinge further.

“Please come with me. I didn’t expect you’d want to stay. Perhaps I should have.” Her voice was clipped. The comment was designed to provoke him into action rather than convey anything she actually felt, but he saw through it to the hurt she was trying to hide. He sensed also the slight desire to perhaps hurt him back, in any small way, and draw attention to how she felt about him leaving those months earlier.

He had been dreaming about what he would say to her if he ever saw her again. The regret at leaving, how he knew she deserved better, how utterly sorry he was he’d abandoned her. But as much as he wanted to speak plainly to her, he knew she was right. Breaking someone out of jail needed to get done quick, and they clearly didn’t have time for such a conversation in the midst of it.

They walked as fast as they dared to through the dank corridors, pausing now and then to hide as a guard or two passed. They didn’t utter a word, in fact whenever Ethan tried, she silenced him, as everything was apparently precisely timed to the millisecond, and Vanessa was focused on her pocket watch.

Ethan’s mind was full, having more to think about than in a long time. He thought he’d die in that little cell. When he turned himself into the inspector he’d been hoping for death, but a long journey to America, coupled with the inspector’s inevitable discovery of his secret, put that option out of his reach. When they reached America, the inspector decided he was too unique to kill, and life imprisonment would suffice. Ethan kept expecting an American official would appear and the inspector would be discharged back to England, but for some reason that never occurred- Ethan figured Rusk was keeping him a secret somehow.

Ethan wished he knew how Rusk had managed to keep his location in secret. Ethan’s father had always managed to find him no matter how far he fled or how long he’d been away from home. And now here he was, practically in his father’s back yard, and there was no sign of him. Not that seeing that old bastard would be something preferable to being kept in a grungy cell, if Ethan was being perfectly honest- it was just surprising.

Rusk was obsessed with Ethan, and visited every few nights to taunt and question, even though Ethan never answered him. He had even asked him: didn’t he wonder why no American sheriffs or marshals have arrived yet? But Ethan refused to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his presence. 

Rusk was always there on the full moon, which, in fact, had been the previous night. The thought made him shudder.

Finally they were outside. It was bitter cold and dark as pitch, clouds covering the waning moon.

“This way,” Vanessa hissed, darting into the trees that grew nearby. After a short walk, again silent, they reached the road.

Ethan felt something akin to a smile on his face as he saw the familiar features of his old friends. Words failed him as he tried to convey his gratitude at their rescue, but as they embraced and greeted one another, and then quickly piled into the coach, one person’s absence was felt keenly.

Sembene’s ghost lie in the very air they breathed, his presence so deeply felt but his absence like a gaping ravine.

Ethan tried to listen as Victor and Malcolm explained how they’d reunited to save him, and the intricacies of their plan, but mostly, he just wanted to talk to Vanessa alone. She would barely look at him, though, and only spoke to clarify another’s statement.

“You’re so thin, Mr Chandler.” Sir Malcolm said after a short silence. “You look like hell-“

“A place we all know well.” Ethan said gruffly, cutting him off. Malcolm closed his mouth. He had been about to mention something about the air of utter misery that clung to Mr Chandler, but after all, it was obvious, and clearly Ethan did not feel like discussing the state of his mind or body. Ethan shut his eyes and let the gentle rock of the carriage soothe him to an uneasy sleep.

Sir Malcolm was a rich man and had property all over England, but he also had property in America. They rode hard, barely stopping for food, for weeks until reaching it. They would stop at an inn only to eat a sparse meal, exchange their exhausted horses for well rested ones, and off they were again. Trains, Malcolm said, were too dangerous. “I don’t like enclosed spaces,” was all the explanation he gave, but Ethan suspected he was concealing the true reason they avoided trains.

Ethan didn’t mind the long rides; the more distance they put between themselves and that place, the better. He knew they were already looking for him, and they would not give up. He was sure his escape would finally spur Rusk to contact his father, and his father’s men had never given up, no matter how far he’d run. The company he was with deserved better than that, but once again Ethan put that thought away and focused on survival.

Finally, after almost a month, they arrived at Sir Malcolm’s property: a fine house by some body of water, on the outskirts of what used to be a small town, but was flourishing into a small city. Malcolm assured all parties they would not be disturbed here. A ship for home was set to leave in a fortnight, and until then it was best they all rest and keep their heads down.

A small staff was kept on hand at this property, and of course had been notified of Sir Malcolm and his guests’ arrival. Ethan turned to Vanessa as they entered the house.

“Miss Ives,” he began. Vanessa didn’t answer immediately, but stiffened at the formality. The servants, the doctor, and Sir Malcolm had somehow already melted away into other areas of the house, and they were finally alone.

“Mr Chandler.” She answered after a short pause, and then walked to hang her coat upon the wall. As she turned back towards him, Ethan shuffled his feet and came a step closer. “Thank you, for rescuing me from that place.” His voice was choked.

She longed to close the distance between them. He looked so weary, so emaciated, and so utterly helpless. But she couldn’t deny the hardness that lay in her heart, the betrayal she still felt by his abandonment. She knew he thought it was for her own good, but couldn’t he see- didn’t he understand-

Her head gave a mild shake to clear the resentment away. She thought she had rid herself of it during the weeks Malcolm, Victor, and she had made this plan. But it hurt her, more than she thought it would, to see him.

“Do you really think I’d let you stay in there?” Her hands were clenched at her sides to stop herself from clasping his. Not only was she still angry at him, she was afraid to set him off running again. After all, she’d been harboring the idea that it was her proposition that had scared him away, scared him into the miserable place they had found him in. Yes, a part of her blamed him for leaving… but another part also blamed herself.

He nodded at her reply. “I didn’t want you to come after me. I prayed you wouldn’t, I prayed you’d stay away,” he swallowed hard. “But, Christ, I hoped. Against my will I hoped.” He still had his coat on, a borrowed one from one of the countless inns. It was too big, and in his malnourished state it positively drowned him.

Vanessa had done nothing but long for his return as soon as he’d left. Along with Sir Malcolm’s time away and the doctor’s absence for reasons then-unknown, her mind had been in a kind of black void. But as soon as she’d found out he’d been arrested and extradited, she’d worked on nothing else but his rescue, along with her friends. 

Sir Malcolm had been the one to find where Ethan had gone and the two of them had enlisted Victor’s help as well. The return of her friends- her family- along with a goal to work towards, had helped beyond measure. But now, here he was in front of her, the outcome she had desired above all others for months, and she still couldn’t let go of a tiny cold shard of hurt.

As he stood there in front of her, anxiously twisting some borrowed or stolen hat that he’d come by on the journey in his thinned and scarred hands, his beautiful hair unevenly shorn, nothing in his eyes but some kind of deep haunted affection for her, some of that ice melted. He was with her now, he was safe. Wasn’t that all she’d wanted?

“Mr Chandler- Ethan,” she corrected herself, “words cannot convey the relief I feel at your return. Your absence was an utter void-“ her voice almost broke, and she paused to gather herself. “I only want you to rest and regain your strength.” Her throat was so tight it ached.

He nodded. He could hear the tears in her voice and mentally kicked himself for causing her yet more anguish. “Come now, Ethan. I’ll show you to your room.”

As he followed her up the stairs, all he could do was thank God, or the Heavens, or who ever, for bringing this woman into his life. He didn’t deserve her, but for some reason she just wouldn’t give up on him. She never had.

They arrived to a room that Vanessa informed him was his. She said she’d chosen it for him because it had the most windows, and she’d thought he would want the sunlight. She led him to the opposite side, and showed him the dazzling view of the water. He had no response for her kindnesses.

Finally, as she was finished opening the shutters and the dim just-before-sunset light filtered through, he managed to say, “Thank you.”

She smiled, and crossed the room to the door “I’ll let you rest then, Ethan,”

“Wait, please-“ He hadn’t known he was speaking until he heard the words. He just knew every piece of him was utterly craving her presence.

She stopped and turned back towards him. The two didn’t speak, they just looked at each other. Each was feeling something similar: they had been devoid of the other’s company for far too long.

She stepped back towards him, slowly. He didn’t move. He didn’t want to approach her, he didn’t want to ask her for anything. He had taken enough. But she continued towards him until they were face-to-face.

At first, she didn’t say anything. The more she looked at him, she saw just how desperately self-loathing this man was. With his departing letter she’d seen the first real glimpse of it. He’d written that he deserved to be dead, buried on a cold, forgotten hill somewhere. She could still see the words in front of her, she had read the letter so many times. And though she’d spent so long in despair and anger at his leaving, there was always an extra note of sadness that he truly wished himself dead. He’d been able to hide it, for the most part, perhaps letting it slip through here and there, but here, in front of her, after months of incarceration and starvation, and then the weeks of roughshod travel, he was stripped bare, no energy left to disguise his thoughts, and she could read his face like a book.

As she stood in front of him, she felt the last of her resentment fade away. She knew there was nothing she could say or feel about him, to try to chastise or hurt, that he didn’t already say and feel about himself a hundred times worse.

Finally, she spoke.

“Before you left, you asked me to forgive you,” she murmured. His eyes cinched tight, as though the memory burned him.

“And I did. Even though I didn’t yet know…” she trailed off, and her gaze lowered from his anguished face to his still-clenched hands around the hat. She let her fingertips graze his fists, and heard his sharp intake. Ignoring it, she gently pried open his hands and took the hat from them, discarding it on a nearby desk. She looked up, and his eyes were now open, and glossed with un-fallen tears. Gently, gently, she raised her hands to his shoulders and started to remove the dusty jacket, and with his help it also was discarded. And finally, she lifted her hands to either side of his face, and, involuntarily it seemed, his eyes closed once again, releasing the tears.

She gently pulled him toward her, letting his head fall in the nook between her neck and shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck, and felt his arms mirror the movement, except around her waist. His breath was uneven and loud in her ear.

“We’re together for a reason,” she whispered, repeating something she had said to him months ago. “I won’t turn back on you now.”

He pulled his face up to look at her. Her hands which had been around the back of his neck were adjusted slightly so they lay on his shoulders, on either side of his face. She was staring at him with such affection and grace. Once again Ethan felt something akin to guilt. He had hurt this woman so badly by his leaving, and yet here she still was.

“I feel like I don’t deserve you.” He said thickly. He was never too eloquent, and he had no grace with words. “I don’t know what to say, except, I never should have left you.” Her eyes were darting back and forth across his face, gazing into his. He knew she was willing to forgive him for leaving, but she still deserved to hear an apology.

“But I’m here now,” he continued, “and I don’t plan on going anywhere for a long time.”

She lifted her left hand and placed it on his cheek, gently stroking his face. “I meant what I said. I do forgive you. I know you thought you were protecting me, from yourself or from the people who want to apprehend you, or both.” She brought her other hand up to his cheek. “I know what it is to be hunted. And with or without you, I will remain hunted for the rest of my days. Not by any earthly forces, as you know.”

Ethan let the words wash over him, and they were like a balm, soothing his bruises both literal and spiritual.

“I believe we are both stronger together,” she said with insistence, “not apart,” and to her surprise, she felt a tear well up in her eye, and then fall.

At the sight of her crying, Ethan’s heart was gripped with the desire to ward off any more pain she might suffer. He lifted his hand to her cheek and wiped the tear away. “I will spend my days trying to make up for the hurt I caused,” he vowed, with utter seriousness. “Now that I’m back at your side I will never leave it again.”

She smiled shakily, and brought her own hand up to cover his on her cheek. Without breaking eye contact she moved her head slightly and placed a kiss on his palm.

“Never,” she repeated.

“Never.”

They moved towards each other in tandem, hands around each other’s necks, the kiss hot and fierce, full of longing and relief at the same time.

After a beat he lifted her in the air as he did that night in the moors, breaking contact with her for only the slightest moment, and he heard her moan only as his mouth covered hers yet again and swallowed the sound.

Her hands were in his hair, her heart thumping wildly, her body buzzing with both affection and desire. And unlike their time in the cottage, she had no intention of pushing him away.


	2. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan felt Vanessa’s smile in the dark, and heard the small breath of sardonic laughter leave her mouth. “Perhaps we didn’t always have the best timing,” she said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all thank you so much to all the wonderful comments! They really make my day because I seriously have zero confidence in my writing skills. I'm writing this pretty much as therapy because the finale hurt me so much. I'm not a hundred percent sure if I'm capturing their characters completely, so if anything seems over the top or I missed something in canon (ie: in my story I mention Victor might not know about Ethan being a wolf, and maybe he does know in canon and I missed that) PLEASE feel free to correct me or point it out. I don't mind negative reviews as long as they're constructive! Also this is so, so fluffy, I hope no one minds that. The rating is still T for now, I am kind of uncomfortable writing love scenes so sorry about that. Anyway, PLEASE!!! leave reviews even if it's just "good job" or whatever. THANKS SO MUCH!!!!!

He broke away for air, breathing heavily, and let out a sigh of contentment at the sight of Vanessa before him, face flushed, eyes bright and wild, any sign of sadness gone from her features.

She threw her arms around his shoulders and he let out a little laugh as the wind was knocked out of him. He gently lowered her feet to the floor, and embraced her in return, his arms snaking around her back. 

“I missed you so much,” she whispered. He heard her voice catch as she inhaled, and realized she must be crying again. He only gripped her harder and murmured he felt the same, a few tears of his own falling into her hair. 

They stood like that for a long time, the room steadily growing darker. He raised a hand every now and then to stroke her hair, the two of them swaying gently in one spot, exchanging kisses. They were content to only share each other’s space. They whispered words of love and encouragement and, in his case, apology; in her case, forgiveness. 

It was not lost on either of them how this embrace mirrored the last one they’d had before Ethan left: framed in a window, profiles intertwined. Except, that time, he was willing himself to keep away from her or he knew his resolve would weaken; and now, it was all either of them could to do restrain themselves and not embrace further. 

At some point, a deafening bell echoed through the house and startled them, breaking them apart. 

“It must be dinner,” she said, trying to squint at the clock that hung above the door, but it was too dark. She hadn’t noticed the sun had fully set. She went and turned up the gas lamps around the room until they glowed a rosy orange against the blackening blue of the sky outside. 

“Do you want to go down and eat? I’m sure I could get them to send up some food if you’d rather be alone,” she asked when she was done. 

He shook his head. “I’ve had enough time alone to last the rest of my life.”

She smiled and returned to his side, staring at him with so much affection she thought her heart might burst.

They left the room together. A passing maid noticed them coming out of the same room and curled her lip; an unwed man and woman being alone together? 

“I believe we’re already raising a few eyebrows, Miss Ives,” Ethan said quietly as they passed the girl. Vanessa laughed lowly. 

“They are not the first nor the last, Mr Chandler,” she replied.

Without waiting for a reply, she walked into the dining room. With a chuckle, he joined her. 

The meal was simple but hearty; Ethan and Vanessa sat side by side. The evening was passed trading talk and jokes.

“One thing I’ve wondered,” Ethan mused once. “How did you find out what had happened to me?” Sir Malcolm had been mute on that point thus far. Vanessa opened her mouth, but then closed it, her brow furrowed. Now that she thought about it, Malcolm had never said exactly how he’d come across Ethan’s location. As soon as Vanessa was aware of Ethan’s whereabouts, she set in motion a plan to get to him. She hadn’t paused to wonder at the source of the information. With a halfhearted shrug, she turned to Malcolm.

With a second’s hesitation that did not escape Ethan’s attention, Malcolm answered rather hurriedly that he had noticed, upon his return, that the inspector and his policemen had stopped coming by to call. After some inquiries at their office, he had managed to get the truth out of some minor deputy. 

Malcolm quickly changed the subject, and Ethan felt the gentleman wasn’t being entirely truthful. He had the impression perhaps Malcolm had come by the information using means other than necessarily legal, and felt confused why he wasn’t forthcoming. Surely they had all been in the trenches of unconvention together? But Ethan decided not to pursue it. He was out of that awful prison, away from the leering inspector, back in the arms of the woman he loved, and surrounded by his friends… his family. Nothing else mattered. Let Malcolm keep his secrets. 

After the meal was done (and Vanessa had her dessert put aside for breakfast), they retired and sat by the fire. Victor privately told Ethan, during one of the few times Vanessa was not at his side, that, at his leisure, he should be examined. Aside from the obvious malnutrition, Victor pointed out several bruises and lacerations on the little skin that was visible on Ethan’s neck and forearms. 

“There’s no need, Doctor. I know how I got those. I think all I need is a few weeks of good rest and good food and I’ll be back to normal.” Ethan was uncomfortable. He didn’t know if Victor was aware of Ethan’s curse, and that was the source of the bruises. 

Rusk had kept Ethan in that cage at all times. He had seemed… _too_ interested in Ethan’s transformation, and had constructed a single window in the roof of his cell so the full moon was sure to shine through. A caged beast, full of uncontrollable bloodthirst, was sure to get a few knocks. At least Ethan hadn’t broken any bones, uselessly raging against those bars. Sooner or later he always knocked himself out. 

When he regained consciousness, Rusk had always still been there, watching. 

“Just indulge me, please.” Victor insisted, jarring Ethan back to the present “At the very least, I want to make sure you’re not concussed.” 

Vanessa had wandered back to the sofa sometime in the midst of the interrogation, and stood to the side, smiling at her boys. 

“Very well,” Victor said finally, pronouncing him un-concussed. “Be sure you _do_ rest, Mr Chandler. Eat well and avoid strenuous activity.” 

Behind Victor, Vanessa and Ethan caught each others’ eyes and quickly looked away, slightly blushing that both their thoughts had gone to the same place. If Victor noticed, he didn’t react at all.

Eventually they broke up and made their way to bed. At the top of the stairs, when Ethan and Vanessa would have gone separate directions, something made them both hang back. Neither of them said anything as the others filed past them, and the foursome exchanged goodnights. Vanessa and Ethan simply stared at each other. They had been apart for so many months, and upon reuniting had had barely a conversation before weeks of hard travel once again put their relationship on pause. They had spent only an afternoon together, and they didn’t want to be parted.

Victor and Malcolm didn’t give any indication that Ethan and Vanessa remaining together was anything other than expected. After all, when the three of them were in London, planning Ethan’s rescue, Vanessa had had several frustrated outbursts whenever reaching him had seemed impossible. Malcolm wasn’t surprised when Vanessa had inevitably screamed, “We _MUST_ find him!” before breaking down in tears, although Victor had been.

The doctor hadn’t fully realized the depth of their connection until that point. In any case, after that, they all knew what was between them. Victor knew what it was to be separated from the one you love, and had no intention of getting in their way. Victor was half-convinced that reuniting with Lily was a fool’s hope, but if he could help Vanessa and Ethan in any way, both of whom he harbored deep respect and affection for, then he would.

The same servant girl from earlier was extinguishing the lamps, and Vanessa gave her a sideways glance. Vanessa wasn’t sure why, but the girl made her feel uncomfortable. She was used to being the subject of her peers’ gossip in England; after what she had done to Mina, her time in the asylum, and, more recently, the episode at Mr Lyle’s séance party. Why did this American maid cause her any unease? 

In any case, the girl was steadily moving down the hallway, away from the couple. Ignoring her, Vanessa stepped closer to Ethan, and grasped his hand.

“May I stay with you tonight?” she whispered, staring into his eyes.

“You can stay with me every night,” he answered, bringing a hand to her cheek. Her face turned up in a smile, and she reached up on her toes to kiss him. They stood, embracing at the top of the stairs until Vanessa finally, reluctantly, pulled away.

“I’ll be there in a moment. Let me get my things,” she said as she turned away. Ethan kept his arm extended in front of him, and Vanessa let her arm trail behind her, until with each passing step, their hands were forced to part. 

She walked briskly down the hallway, unable to believe the glee spreading through her chest. She hadn’t felt this content since she was a girl, when her and Mina had been young together. Thinking of Mina made her heart twinge; she had loved that girl more than her life. She still hadn’t found a way to forgive herself for what she’d done to her. But with Ethan, the things she had done, the darkness scratching behind her mind… it didn’t hurt as much.

As she passed the servant girl, who was still extinguishing the lamps, she heard a disapproving tsk. Usually, Vanessa would glide by such a slight, but for some reason, this girl truly touched a nerve. “Did you say something?” Vanessa asked fiercely.

“Molly,” the girl answered after a beat, turning away from the lamp and meeting Vanessa’s eyes.

“Excuse m-?“ Vanessa started to reply heatedly, but as their eyes met, the hair on Vanessa’s neck stood up. Vanessa raised her eyebrows at the feeling and stopped mid-sentence. The sensation wasn’t anything strong, and it didn’t feel supernaturally threatening. But it _was_ adversarial.

At Vanessa’s eyebrow raise, an unimpressed look settled on the maid’s young features. She appeared no older than fifteen, and she assumed Vanessa was affronted by her disrespect. “… miss,” Molly added on, realizing she was, after all, addressing a guest of Sir Malcolm. “My name is Molly, miss.”

“I didn’t ask you your name,” Vanessa said, sounding angrier than she really was, to prevent her voice from shaking, “I repeat, did you say something? I’m sure as I passed you, I heard a noise.” Vanessa tried to use her intuition to gauge what it was about the girl that startled her. As the girl unsubtly rolled her eyes, Vanessa dove into the girl’s mind.

Usually, in order to read someone’s intentions, or even their past, Vanessa needed physical contact. But to gather just a simple sense of someone, a probing glance would usually work, depending on how strong or guarded the person’s will was.

After a second’s deep concentration- the maid’s strength of mind was not easy to break through- while Molly half-heartedly came up with an explanation for her tsk, Vanessa sensed that the maid harbored some kind of affection… for … Vanessa concentrated harder…

Ethan’s face bloomed into her mind, his brown hair shining, some kind of golden light reflected in his eyes: an idealized portrait, since the Ethan of today barely resembled his former, robust self after his imprisonment. Vanessa almost laughed. So this was why she sensed Molly had termed her an adversary: she had some kind of passing fancy for the handsome Mr Chandler. Hardly surprising, and not dangerous at all.

Seeing amusement flicker past Vanessa’s features, the girl was further irked. “I don’t mean to be rude, miss,” Molly answered in a tone that directly contradicted her words, “but aren’t you afraid you won’t find a husband if you carry on like that?” She jerked her head back towards the staircase, to where Vanessa and Ethan had embraced.

Vanessa suppressed her smile, her eyes lingering to where the girl had jerked her head.

“Between you and me… I think I’ve already found him.” Leaving the conversation there, she bid Molly a good night with a smile, and continued on her way. Discontent rolled off the girl like a heavy perfume, but Vanessa ignored it. Molly would love again, she was sure, chuckling to herself.

She walked back down the now-dark hallway after changing into a white shift, carrying the small pack of possessions she’d brought. The dark still made her uneasy, but Vanessa wasn’t afraid of things that might be lurking in the shadows anymore. Or at least, she was trying to convince herself she wasn’t afraid. After her latest encounter with Lucifer, she knew she had underestimated the power she possessed. The darkness didn’t control her, she told herself. _I control the darkness_.

She softly knocked on Ethan’s door, but didn’t wait for an answer. She entered the room and saw Ethan half-kneeling by the bed. >p> “You were praying,” Vanessa said fondly.

Ethan gave a half smile as he got to his feet. “You caught me.”

Vanessa smiled sadly at him as he walked towards her. “What is it?” he asked. “Last time you caught me praying I tried to pass it off as something unimportant. But I think it means a little more to me now.” He smirked. “I’m not saying I’m gonna go join the priesthood, but maybe I’m not just as dismissive as I was before.”

He searched her eyes, expecting to see something akin to pride, or happiness at his words. Vanessa had never stopped challenging Ethan’s lack of faith; he thought she’d like the idea of him coming around to her side. But all he saw was distance. “What is it?” he asked again, quieter this time. _“Ethan…” Vanessa sighed, not quite meeting his eyes. “I fear… I am quite changed on that matter since we last met,” she said quietly, walking past him to the bedside behind him._

Ethan was silent for a moment, and then turned around to face her again. “What do you mean? I don’t understand. You don’t believe in God anymore?” He said it so incredulously, as if such a thing was beyond imagining. It was always his understanding that Vanessa’s faith was like a steel pillar of her very being. He distractedly ran a hand through his unevenly shorn hair.

She now looked him in the eye, and saw the confusion there. She didn’t want to tell him that his leaving had triggered such a cataclysm of loss within her, and it had been impossible to prevent herself from falling into it. She had been lost, stumbling in a dark void, barely eating. She hadn’t bothered to keep herself or the house clean, she had slept 20 hours out of the day. She felt betrayed by God, and felt He had abandoned her as Ethan had, even as Malcolm had, and Victor; all of her friends, her loved ones, gone, in the space of a single day. _So we walk alone_ , Ethan had written her. Alone, indeed.

Taking that crucifix and throwing it in the fire had taken the last of her energy, and for the next however many weeks, she had succumbed to despair. 

“It is… painful to talk about just now,” she finally said. “After you left, I was quite… unlike myself.”

At these words, Ethan sharply inhaled; each time he thought he couldn’t hate himself more for leaving, he discovered yet new depths. To hear he had been responsible for the loss of Vanessa’s belief in God… how would he ever make peace with that?

“I am just now beginning to feel like myself again,” Vanessa continued, noticing Ethan’s eyes were no longer on her, but were furiously moving back and forth. She could tell his mind was racing, and by the pained expression on his face, she knew he was yet again blaming himself for her pain. “Perhaps my faith will return to me,” she added halfheartedly. “Or… or perhaps I will have to find out who I am without it.” She turned away from him and began pulling the blankets back.

Ethan didn’t reply at once. Instead, he went around the room to put the gas lamps out. Vanessa wanted to ask him to leave one lit; it made her feel safe, those old habits, those old traditions. Before she could, however, Ethan had already turned each one down save for one, and turned back towards the bed. He had known she’d want one to remain after all.

In the near-dark, Ethan climbed in beside her, suddenly over-aware of himself. This was the first time they had shared such a space. But at the look on her face, he felt his nerves calm themselves. There was nothing to be anxious about. The two of them would find their way down these new paths together.

Vanessa was on her side, facing him as he settled beside her. She couldn’t stop looking at him, trying to memorize the planes of his face, even in the dim light. At first his brow remained furrowed; he was clearly still processing their conversation. But eventually, the lines of his face softened until he only stared affectionately back at her. After a few moments of silence, she moved slightly closer to him, and brought a hand up to his face. He smiled and covered her hand with his own. Neither of them said anything, only smiled softly at each other.

“It’s strange,” Vanessa finally said, her voice low, her thumb stroking his cheek.

“What’s that?” he replied.

“I can’t ever remember feeling as at peace, as content,” she swallowed. “As I am right now.”

Ethan nodded. Vanessa saw his silhouette bob. “I truly am so sorry. I thought I was protecting you. Sparing you.” he whispered. He didn’t need to clarify what he was speaking of.

“I know.”

“Something else strange,” Ethan said, after a few moments of silence. “My belief in… God. Or whoever. Seems to strengthen just as yours has…” he trailed off.

Ethan felt Vanessa’s smile in the dark, and heard the small breath of sardonic laughter leave her mouth. “Perhaps we didn’t always have the best timing,” she said softly.

Silence fell once again. As always, the two were content only to share each other’s company. Ethan was mesmerized by the exquisite architecture of Vanessa’s features. The deep hollows of her cheeks, her dark hair spread out behind her on the white pillow, her eyes glittering, huge and dark.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Vanessa asked, half-jokingly; she knew her gaze was quite as piercing. She just wanted to keep talking to him, she didn’t want her drowsiness to claim her and be without him even in sleep.

“I never thought I would see you again. Hear your voice again. Touch you again,” he answered, his words slow and measured. His hand was still covering hers, and he gripped it tighter as he spoke. “It feels like I’m in a dream. When I heard your voice, waking me up in that cell, I thought I was dreaming.” He took her hand and lowered it to his lips, kissing the back of her hand.

Vanessa moved towards him in the dark, placing a chaste kiss on his forehead, and then his cheek, and finally claimed his lips.

Their embrace deepened, the two of them letting their desire overpower their sense for the moment. They shifted slightly so Vanessa was somewhat on top of him. One of Ethan’s hands wound itself in her hair at the base of her neck, the other moving lower and gripping her waist. He could feel the softness of her flesh through the thin nightgown.

Vanessa broke the kiss, and with a slight growl, lowered her head to his neck. Ethan hissed when he felt her teeth on the skin there. Vanessa laughed to hear her elicit such a noise from him.

She could feel his grip tight around her waist, and wanted to urge him to push his hand lower. She knew he wanted her, she could feel him hard against her. But something inside of her made her slow her movements, her heated bites on his neck gradually reducing to simple, chaste kisses. Following her lead, he tried to loosen his hold around her waist, and altered his grip on her neck to a gentle stroking of her hair instead. The two’s movements were liquid in their easy flow, each one sensing the other, their intentions melding.

Vanessa led her kisses back over his jaw, meeting his mouth once again. Ethan now lifted both hands and curled his arms around her back. The weight of her against his chest felt so natural and warm, it brought tears to his eyes. She kissed them away.

They finally pulled away. Ethan’s heart was pounding. Vanessa stared down at him, and though she was unable to keep the smile from her face, she was likewise unable to keep that electric thread of fear from snaking up her spine, fear of releasing the demon within her. “I don’t think we should…” she began, “not… not right now.”

Ethan was gently stroking the small of her back, his hand lazily tracing circles. “The doctor did say no strenuous activity,” he said easily, laughter punctuating the vowels. Vanessa’s smile widened to a grin as her own laughter spilled out.

“It’s only…” she started again, once her mirth had subsided.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’m happy to just be with you,” he said swiftly. It’s true she made his heart race, and his blood quicken. He had dreamed of this moment for longer than he cared to admit. But it was also true that neither of them were under any pressure. Today was a day of many firsts for them: their affirmation of their love for each other, the first time they had shared a bed at all. He had meant it when he said he’d never leave her side again. They had so much time.

Vanessa inhaled, steeling herself. She hadn’t divulged this to anyone, hardly even to herself. She wanted to give her thoughts voice, even though Ethan didn’t seem to need an explanation.

“I know. And I feel the same. And, make no mistake, I do want you.” As Ethan heard her say that, it was all he could do to bite back a groan. She had no idea the effect those words had on him. “But, I just want you to know the possible… outcomes,” she continued, “of us… laying together.” She said the words haltingly.

Ethan’s brow furrowed. “Do you mean a child?” At the idea, Ethan’s heart unexpectedly leapt.

Vanessa laughed. “No… I mean, yes, there’s that, but…” she paused. At the words, she suddenly remembered the vision Lucifer had shown her of an idyllic future with Ethan, and their children. The thought clouded her mind and made her heart ache. She shook her head to clear it away.

“The last time I… was with a man…” she paused, trying to put it into words. She wasn’t sure whether to divulge it had been Mr Gray. The knowledge they had shared a lover was something Ethan could do without for the moment, she decided. She forged ahead, choosing a different tack. “Do you remember my illness? When I was… possessed by that… whatever it was… for weeks on end?”

He nodded. “I do…” He was concerned. He never heard Vanessa speak so timidly on a matter before. She wasn’t ashamed of her history, was she? He had assumed she had had lovers before him, as he had before her. It wasn’t something he thought she would want to hide. And what did it have to do with her illness?

“I became… ill… during my time with him. During…” she trailed off. Ethan understood her meaning.

“I am afraid now that it will strike again, at moments I am most weak, or rather, when my control is loosened even for a moment,” Vanessa said, her words finally flowing smoothly, although still in a harsh whisper. “That’s why I pushed you away, that night during the lightning storm in the moors.”

Ethan didn’t know what to say. He knew she would always be battling this thing inside her; it had followed her since she was born. It made sense it would attack when she was distracted. To attack her when she was… with… someone, would also reinforce the instinct in her to shun company, keeping herself isolated and despairing. The cycle would always repeat itself, in the end making her even more vulnerable.

To hear that was the reason she had shied away from him during the storm made his heart ache. He had internalized that rejection and told himself it was because she didn’t want him, because she was frightened of him. The truth was, she had been frightened of herself.

Ethan sighed deeply, and moved a hand to stroke her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Van.”

The nickname jolted her. “Did you call me Van?” she asked, breathless.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he answered warily. “Is that alright?”

The image of Ethan from the vision, bathed in golden and white light, his hair long again and shining, coming in after the children and calling her “Van”, once again burst into her mind.

“Yes,” she said, too quickly. “Yes, it’s fine. It’s wonderful.”

She shifted slightly so she was more beside him than astride him, her head on his chest. She felt his arms adjust accordingly, now with one across her shoulder.

He planted a kiss on top of her head. They were again silent.

“I’m not even sure it will happen again,” Vanessa continued after a moment. “After that night in Evelyn’s mansion-“ she felt Ethan’s intake of breath. Remembering that night must be painful for him, she realized. “…I believe I bested Him,” she continued. “I looked at the doll- He was speaking to me through it- and I said, Beloved, know your master,” she finished. She knew Ethan would remember the story he had told her of when he was a boy, trying to ride his first horse. 

Ethan’s hand was rubbing the small of her back, gentle and soft. Hearing her recount her victory made him feel so proud of her. “You don’t need to worry, Vanessa. I’m here,” Ethan was sure she had more power than she fully realized. If she had truly defeated Lucifer in a one-on-one confrontation, Ethan didn’t think He would attempt another attack upon her person or soul. But he knew Vanessa was cautious, she had had to be with the life she’d had; she needed to be sure of herself before any decision she made, not just this matter with him. “I’ll always be here,” he added softly. Vanessa smiled in the dark to hear that. “I need to get my strength back before you go riling me up anyway,” he went on, and Vanessa could hear the laughter in his voice.

They didn’t speak again, but drifted off to sleep together, warm and content.


	3. Golden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I had a dream,” her voice floated into the darkness.
> 
> “A good one, I hope.”
> 
> “It was wonderful. Golden.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who left comments or kudos or bookmarks! Every time I got one of those e-mails it was like a little nudge to continue!! I truly am very sorry about such a large gap between updates. I know I'm not the most regular writer, I hope you'll all bear with me. I've changed the rating for this story to M, because I've finally figured out a way to write a love scene that doesn't make my skin crawl (I'm all for love scenes in general, but for me personally they're very hard for me to write idk why). I did my best!! Hope you like it!! Not much plot in this chapter I just really need to give my babies some happiness. Oh also this chapter is REALLY FLUFFY. Like maybe over the top but you know what?? Ethan & Vanessa being happy and sappy is something I personally really need, so, be the change you wish to see, etc.

Ethan awoke first. He could tell it was still very early. Before he even opened his eyes, he allowed himself to revel in the sensations surrounding him: the small pressure of Vanessa curled up beside him, and the smooth softness of the blankets on which he lay.

His bruises still ached, and the tiredness that had settled in his limbs during the long journey still lingered, but he couldn’t remember feeling any better than he did at that moment. Perhaps decades before, when he & his siblings were still children, before he knew what a monster his father was.

As the sky outside slowly lightened from black to midnight blue, Ethan opened his eyes. He slowly shifted his neck to take a glance at Vanessa’s sleeping form, only to find she was already awake and sleepily staring at him as well.

“Good morning,” she said quietly, her voice soft and slightly raspy. There was a smile playing at her lips that spread to all her features. Her hair appeared dark as ink in the dim stillness, the curls wild from sleep.

“Good morning, darlin’,” he answered slightly rakishly, hoping to make her hinted smile transform to a more corporeal one. And sure enough, her lips widened and a small chuckle tumbled out.

At the same moment, they reached for each other and embraced, exchanging a deep lingering kiss. Ethan was the first to pull away.

“I could wake up like this every day,” he said softly into her hair.

“Personally, I intend to do just that,” he heard her say as she sighed and resettled on his chest. The smile was perceptible in her voice. The thought that she truly envisioned a future with him made his chest tighten.

“I had a dream,” her voice floated into the darkness.

“A good one, I hope.”

“It was wonderful. Golden.”

She didn’t volunteer anything more, and Ethan didn’t press.

Eventually, when the light outside the curtains grew paler, the two disentangled and began to dress and prepare for the day. It wasn’t awkward, as they had shared the small cottage on the moors those months prior. But Ethan, physically at the least, was utterly changed from the man he had been. 

When Vanessa came back into the bedroom from washing, her hair still dripping onto her white robe, she had gone to the small side-room where she had stored her few items and pieces of clothing. She hadn’t known Ethan was in there dressing, and it was the first time she had seen him unclothed. It should have been an affectionate, perhaps erotic, moment, but for the fact how diminished he was. He wasn’t facing her, and he was pulling on his own clothing. He had undoubtedly heard the bedroom door open and close, Vanessa’s footsteps, and her small intake of breath at the sight of his ribs beneath scarred and bruised flesh. He didn’t react to the gasp for several seconds, except an almost imperceptible pause as he finished fastening his trousers. 

“I’ve seen better days, for sure,” Ethan said, a half-hearted attempt to gloss over the effect his injuries had had on her.

She heard herself make a noise of sympathy as she approached him. He turned to face her. She placed a hand on his still-bare chest, gently running her fingertips over the puckered, healing lacerations there. His eyes closed at her touch. She softly ran her fingers across his collarbone, and down his shoulder and arm, eventually feeling the raised welts across his forearms that appeared to be from-

“Bars. The iron bars, from the- you know,” Ethan whispered in a stilted manner. He hadn’t said a word as Vanessa had approached him, and though he usually hated to be the object of pity, he knew somehow that anything that had hurt him had hurt her as well. She felt his pain as her own. That’s what she does, Sembene had told him.

“If I ever see that man again, I will kill him.” Vanessa whispered, referring to that wretched Inspector, before trailing her hands back to Ethan’s chest. Her vow was soft but fierce, and Ethan believed it. 

With a small shake of her head, she lifted her eyes to him. “You’re still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen,” she told him, the side of her mouth twisted in a smile.

“Is that so?” he answered, eyebrows raised, grateful for the moment of levity. It wasn’t lost on him how she had come upon him, naked as a newborn. It seemed silly for him to have a sense of shame or secrecy about any aspect of himself. She had seen him as who he was the second they met, when she cut through his artifice with a few sharp, precise words. She had seen him transformed. She had seen him weeping and suicidal. And yes, she had seen him bone-thin, scarred, shorn, and imprisoned. She knew who and what he was, what he had done, and she loved him anyway. The truth of that fact was slowly taking root.

“I guess I should know by now it would take more than a few scars to scare you away,” Ethan finally said after a moment.

“Indeed,” Vanessa replied in a slightly distracted voice. “Have you ever… no, I suppose not,” she murmured.

“What’s that?”

“I don’t believe I’ve ever shown you my scar. The one on my back, from…,” her voice trailed off, the memory of the hot iron and Joan’s screaming as fresh in her mind as the night it had happened.

Reassurances rose in the back of Ethan’s throat- he hoped she didn’t feel she had to show him anything she didn’t want to, simply to comfort him about his own malnourished frame- but they soon died after a few seconds at the look on Vanessa’s face. She was speaking to him, but also to herself, words that he could tell she had long wanted to say. And he already knew, she wouldn’t do anything she wasn’t comfortable with.

“I know I told you about how it happened, but… well, the scar itself is something I’ve always kept hidden,” she was saying, breaking eye contact for the first time since he had turned around. She spoke instead to her hands, which were still placed on Ethan’s chest, her fingers slowly tracing and re-tracing the flesh there. “I hid it from any lovers, hid it even from myself, most days. But I don’t…”

Her eyes traveled slowly back to his face, back to his gaze. He was silent, and seemed to be holding his breath. “I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to live in fear of my past, or myself.” She was speaking of more than the scar, it seemed to Ethan. His breath indeed was caught as her meaning reached him.

“I don’t want to be afraid either,” he replied softly, his breath leaving him in a soft rush. He flicked his gaze from her face to the morning sky outside the window and back again. “It’s a full moon tomorrow night.”

“Then let us not be afraid. We both know what we are, and what we are capable of. The journeys before us… let us take them together.” Her voice, recently so full of levity as they traded quips, was now quiet and intense, the harsh whisper she assumed when speaking of something deathly important. Their eyes were now full of only each other, the blue-grey meeting the honeyed-brown in a moment of mutual desire.

Vanessa drew her hands up to Ethan’s neck, and then to either side of his face. “Are you ready to face this with me?” The question tumbled from Vanessa’s perfectly formed lips in the same harsh whisper, as she gently drew Ethan’s to her own. The kiss was a flurry of fervent softness, of affection, of resolution. When they broke apart, Ethan whispered a reply.

“Always.”

Vanessa slowly stepped away, putting enough room between them to free her hands, but leaving their figures still close enough to feel the heat from one another. Without breaking his gaze, she reached up to her neck and loosened the neck of her robe. As she drew it open she slowly turned to face away from him, and let it drop to the floor, leaving her back exposed.

The pale morning light caused every inch of her luminous skin, even the cross-shaped scar, to appear golden and ethereal. Ethan stepped slightly to the side of her and closed the small distance between them, his right hand reaching to stroke the puckered flesh as if to smooth away the painful memory.

“It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful,” he murmured, his left hand going to her face even as his right made its way across her back. He couldn’t help but admire the bare flesh before him, much imagined but never seen. His dreams and half-formed hopes hadn’t come close to capturing her perfection, and it showed on his face. Vanessa couldn’t deny how it pleased her to see Ethan almost speechless at her form. She had always known the effect she had on her partners, but there was always a tiny disquieted fear , or perhaps shame, nestled somewhere in her ribcage like a splinter, that had caused her to keep her scar a secret from them. Seeing nothing but love and even reverence on his features was like that splinter was finally being drawn out.

They embraced yet again, and the sensation of Vanessa’s chest against Ethan’s own caused a half-stifled moan to escape him. Ethan could feel Vanessa’s grin against his lips, and felt one likewise spreading across his features.

With one swift motion, Ethan hoisted Vanessa from the floor, grabbing her thighs and wrapping them around his midsection.

“Ethan-!” the startled cry echoed in the small room as she scrambled to get a grip on his shoulders. He started walking towards the bedroom proper, an uneven shuffle that caused both of them to break down in laughter. The bed was luckily only a few paces away, and they fell, entangled, onto the sheets, breathless with mirth.

“Well- I guess that came off less- less dashing than I was hoping-“ Ethan gasped between peals of laughter, struggling to get to his knees atop her. “There was a time- I would’ve pulled that off with ease-“

Vanessa nodded, still laughing. She grabbed his neck and claimed his lips yet again. “You’ll get your strength back somehow,” she said breathlessly between kisses.

Ethan felt his heart expand with simple, unfettered joy, at the sight before him: Vanessa, bright-eyed and gleeful, her raven hair a stark contrast to the white blankets, her chest rising and falling with desire and mirth. No tears, no worries about monsters and shadows. Only warmth.

Between the two of them, quick work was made of the little clothing he was wearing. The air between them was hot and electrified as they traded kisses and caresses, each of them exploring the other’s flesh with frenzied motion.

Vanessa’s very blood was singing. She was keenly aware of the risk she was taking, but she knew there was no way to move forward if she kept in the shadows. She was allowing herself to be with the man she loved, allowing herself whatever scrap of happiness she could find. The chasms she had fallen into after betraying Mina, after lying with Dorian, after Ethan’s departure, they were behind her. She could feel the scorpion burning on her palm, as real as Ethan’s kisses on her thigh, protecting her, empowering her. No one or thing dare lay claim to her anymore. 

Cascades of sweet-sharp fire were rising and crashing over Vanessa at Ethan’s attentions, pulling her apart and piecing her back together. Just before she tipped over the edge, he ceased, eliciting what could only be described as a growl from Vanessa, which was soon silenced as Ethan’s mouth covered her own.

Vanessa, unlike herself, allowed Ethan to remain above her. It was a pillar of Vanessa’s being to try and retain control wherever she could, even and especially in amorous matters. But this was a new step for her, and she wanted to let go, to allow herself to be coasted along by the sensations instead of trying to control every aspect of the embrace. Ethan’s face was buried in her neck, whispering praise about her beauty and strength, the sound like cool water over her fevered mind. She wrapped her legs around him, and murmured, “Now.”

“Are you su-“ 

“Yes.” Vanessa licked her lips. Her chest was rapidly rising and falling, her desire burning through her. Her every sense was attuned to the slightest irregularity in her consciousness, lest it once again be captured by the darkness. But there was no darkness here, only light, and love, and fire. “Are you?”

Ethan nodded, eyes wide. 

Their bodies merged with a force that shook their very heartbeats. Vanessa’s eyes slammed shut at the sensation, unable to stop the throaty shout tumbling from her lips. Ethan likewise inhaled so sharply and audibly it was as if the heat coursing through them had simply wiped out any other function. He continued moving, and Vanessa moved with him, their bodies entangling further, sweat slick on the skin between them.

“Do you- feel- ?” Ethan gasped out, his eyes searching her flawless features for signs of fear or disconnect.

“Only you,” she whispered to him, her hands reaching up and running through his hair. “I only feel you,” she repeated, eyes drifting closed again.

Her head fell back, exposing the pale skin of her throat. Ethan couldn’t help but reach a hand out and stroke the skin there, and his lips followed. Ethan’s tongue upon the hollow of her throat made another growl leave her, a noise that went through Ethan like lightning. He knew he was leaving conspicuous red marks across her neck, but he was past caring and knew she was as well.

It had been a long time since he had embraced someone he was in love with like this. He knew in the back of his head what might come of this, and the memories of Vanessa possessed, screaming, scratching, bleeding-

He slammed his eyes shut as if to block those memories away. That would not happen again; he was here now. He had battled for her soul before and if he had to he would do it again. He felt something rising in his chest, in his stomach, in his mind. It was of course from their coupling, but also not. The sensation almost reminded him of the pain of transformation, only there was no pain. The wolf and the agony were entwined to Ethan; it didn’t seem possible for one to exist without the other. But he could feel the wolf within him, roaring, rising.

When the end came, it overtook them at nearly the same time. The two lovers were silent in their ecstasy, before their breath and voice slammed back into them. They lay together, gasping, the once-pale light swirling gold around them.

Ethan’s head was laid on Vanessa’s chest. Very slowly, the world came back to him. He could hear her heartbeat in his ear along with his own.

Vanessa spoke first.

“I’m still here.” It was a reassurance and a victory.

Ethan’s relief was so powerful he felt he might faint. His breath, so recently caught, left him in a rush once again.

He lifted his body from hers and curled beside her, their faces even. She shifted as well, her eyes still closed, to face him. Warmth and relief and happiness were evident in every feature. The beast had not stirred within her even once.

Finally, she opened her eyes. There were tears in them.

Ethan leaned in at once and brushed them away with his thumbs. She brought her hands up to cover his, and leaned toward him as well to leave a soft, chaste kiss. She had no words, and Ethan knew the slow, shuddering gasps, and the tears, were ones of joy and relief.

She could still sense the scorpion raging in her palm, and she placed it on his chest. Vanessa knew somehow that whatever power he possessed that caused his monthly transformations, it was centered there. Ethan could feel… _something_ from within Vanessa as well, but it was hazy and unfocused. The forces within them both lingered and mingled, a soft but tangible connection.

“The wolf…” Vanessa whispered, gently pulling her hand away. It was gone in a moment, but Ethan saw the pale outline, almost scar-like, in her palm, before it melted away.

He took her hand and placed it against his lips. “…and the scorpion.”

The light was strong and fierce now. They could see dust motes dancing in the rays that sneaked out from behind the curtains. Vanessa was staring at Ethan’s features, trying to memorise them. She couldn’t remember ever seeing the lines of his face so relaxed, the fire behind his eyes so calm. The golden light behind him made an almost-halo against his fawn-colored hair.

“I love you, you know,” Ethan finally said.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE leave a review, even if it's just "nice" or "you used the word "flesh" too much" or anything! Honestly anything anything anything, I will take it. As always kudos & bookmarks are appreciated. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, it wasn't easy for me to write but I think I'm happy with it and I also think I know what to write for the next chapter, just to get back into some actual plotting instead of just fluff. And also, just so you know, I was inspired to finally start work on a third chapter after hearing Halsey's song "Not Afraid Anymore". The whole vibe of the song and the lyrics just put this scenario in my head and I highly recommend you listen to it because there's quite a few references to it in this chapter. ANYWAYS, thanks for reading I love you all


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